I didn't take too long to sink in.
It usually does.
But, not this time.
That moment when you know that it's really,
truly over.
Is when it's the most real.
You find yourself unknowingly
teary-eyed, and don't quite know why..
but deep down, you do.
It's not the fear of solitude.
Nor is it just the guilt.
It's more than that.
But, sometimes you just can't put your
finger on it, directly.
Did in by so many things.
But, did in, just the same.
Yeah, it was my fault.
All of it.
My inattentiveness.
My refusal.
My denial.
My laziness.
My selfishness.
My pride.
My ego.
My all.
It's all there, and it's all me.
After all has been said and done,
I wish I had done more.
But you can only do so much.
I could have done more; but I
refused to give what I did.
Or just refused.
Now, all I'm left with is this
guilt.
Painful guilt.
No amount of Eric Carmen, nor
John Denver, nor Adele posts
can wash it away.
By the way, that Adele song
was misconstrued to be for
someone else. It's not.
It's for her.
The latest "her."
It may not play out
word-for-word, but
sentiment-wise..
it's spot-on.
True, I may, someday, find
someone like you.. maybe better.
Maybe not.
Maybe I may not find anyone
at all.
Like you, or otherwise.
Maybe I'm just afraid of
myself too much, to think
that things may (not) repeat
itself (again).
What I do know is that
it hurts.
Perhaps, for now.
But, it hurts.
